Happy Funtime Story-hour: "The Bay Can Kiss my Ass."

Let me tell you a story. It is at times happy, but for the most part its quiet infuriating…

For the last month I have been locked in an epic struggle against the forces of stupidity and ineptitude at The Hudson’s Bay Company. About a month ago, I walked into the Bay to purchase a dresser. And all was good. I found a nice one, reasonably priced, and made my purchase. The salesman that helped me out was both friendly and knowledgeable. This I like. Unfortunately, this is where the happy portion of our story ends, and the soul-sucking disgust with modern customer service kicks in.

My delivery was scheduled for a week later, on a Tuesday evening (between 5 and 9). We made arrangements to get someone home by 5 to get the dresser, but lo and behold, it never showed up. A call from the store informs us that they delivery guys showed before or exactly at 5 and left. Nice.

So the next time they can deliver it is on Saturday. This is now doubly annoying because the old dresser is now gone to the dump. So a week of my clothes sitting on the floor later, Saturday arrives. They told us to expect delivery between something ungodly like 8:30-12:00 AM. At 11:30, I call the Bay to inquire as to where my dresser is. The lady on the phone informs me that it is indeed on its way, and is in fact on the “truck” as we speak. NOT TWO MINUTES LATER, another phone call from the Bay. I will paraphrase the conversation:

“Hello?”
“Hello Mr. Nar, this is the Hudson’s Bay Company calling”
“Yes?”
“It seems we have given away your dresser to another customer, and now there are no more. Someone else will call you sometime to do something about it…”
“WTF?”
“Ha ha sucker, bye.”*
(*only partial dramatization)

Obviously at this point I am becoming concerned. So I attempt to call back and speak with someone that can tell me what’s happening. After about 5 hours and 10 phone calls, I finally get through to the supervisor. Here’s how it goes: under the “new system”, when a delivery is attempted but not made, the product is re-listed as “available” in the system, and goes to the next person who ordered it. This doesn’t take into account that it may be the last one of its kind, or that I may have paid for a product that I would one day like to actually have in my possession.

The supervisor, upon hearing my objections to this corporate business practice, informed me that she would personally bring my “file” to the escalation department, who could get me the dresser from other warehouses or some bliz-blaz like that. I should hear from them by Wednesday of the following week.

Still with me? OK, fast forward to FRIDAY of the following week. No one has called me, despite several attempts to contact them. Then I get a call at like 8PM from the supervisor telling me “our system is down but don’t worry I’m getting you information manually”. I think that may have involved carrier pigeons of some kind, because no one actually got back to me until Monday afternoon. Some Dude on a cell phone calls me at work and tells me he’s from the escalation department, and wants to know why I wasn’t around for my delivery on Tuesday, and he’ll reschedule it. As I try to prevent my head from exploding, I explain to him the full situation. He says “Oh. Ok then I’ll find your dresser” just like that. I am instantly “spidey-sensing” danger.

The next day, Dude calls me again. “Ok, found it. When do you want it?” Still wary, I schedule delivery for the following day. I take GREAT pains to explain the delivery has to come at at least 5:30 PM so someone can be there. “No prob” replies Dude.

Next day. 3:45PM. Cell phone rings:

“Hello?”
“Yeah, this is Bay Delivery. Uh, what time are you gonna be home?”
“What? 5:30PM. Why?”
“We’re outside right now”

I place a frantic call to Dude, who reassures me that they will be there at 5:30. So cool, I think. And at 5:30, they actually show up. I am impressed.

That feeling soon fades. As the delivery guys unboxed the dresser, I hear one of them remark “uh-oh… Hey buddy! I don’t think you should take this”. As I turn to look, I see what he means. It looks like someone took a hammer to this thing. Bashed up, broken drawers, you name it. And I’d be even more enraged if it were not for one key bit of information: the dress in question is not the one I ordered. I am depressed.

Maybe this goes without saying, but I refuse delivery (please keep this in mind). I phone the supervisor, and Dude and tell both the same thing:

“F*ck this, I want my money back”.

The next day, I receive not one, but two phone calls asking me if I got my merchandise last night, and if I’m happy with it. I hang up.

And that brings us to yesterday. I have finally spoken with the supervisor, who assures me she will make sure they no longer think I actually have the bashed up shit box they attempted to pass off as a dresser, and will get me my money back. I have still not heard back from Dude. I am concerned for his safety.

Please keep in mind my clothes are still on the floor, and will now remain so for the foreseeable future.

So what is the moral of this story, you ask? It is this: corporate culture is complete bullshit. I can’t believe that this would pass for customer service even in Afghanistan. To say the left hand did not know what the right was doing is a major understatement. Never, I repeat, never purchase anything major from The Hudson’s Bay Company without two things:

1. A credit card (to cancel the transfer of money to those robber barons); and
2. A vehicle large enough to take exactly what you want home with you (because you’ll never get it otherwise).

Thank you,
Love, The Nar

Update: It's now September 1st, and still no refund. The supervisor (who I called) call me last night sound "shocked" that it was taking so long. The latest claim is that it should be processed today. Well it's four o'clock, and there still nothing in my bank account. Oh, and Dude has still not called back.